Stuff is about to get deep.
I find myself struggling more often than not internally. It is a really hard feeling to describe in words, and I am not even sure I am going to be able to do so. Perhaps I should sign up immediately to see a shrink? You may suggest this to me after you read this post.
Have you ever been scared of being successful? I think I have determined that this is my problem. I don't really know how I got here, or how to get out of my rut. I rarely speak of my job, I like to keep that part of my life separate from my personal life as much as possible. Perhaps it is because I am going to be 30 years old this year, and I am still just some peon. I don't really see my job as a "career." I just assist others in being successful. They don't prepare you for life's disappointments in college to be honest. You feel like after putting so much time and money into getting your degree, you deserve to land a dream job fresh out of college. That really is just not reality. I am starting to think the "American Dream" as a whole is no longer really a valid thought in today's society. No one really works hard any more for what they want, they just take from some and give to others. It is quite sickening. I am starting to get off on a rant, let me redirect.
I am thankful for the job I have. For the most part, with the exception of Negative Nancy that I told you all about a few weeks ago, my co-workers are great and I am in the "industry" that I went to school for. Yet, the only thing I find challenging during the day is my patience and tolerance for BS. I rarely have to actually use my brain, and that makes me sad. Often times I feel I am wasting away.
Then I think to myself, what is it that I am doing to be great? Nothing. I just settle, and do nothing about it. I don't even know if I am capable of succeeding to be honest with you. It scares me. Why does it scare me? I don't want to be someone's assistant forever, but what would I do if I wasn't doing this?
I really, honestly do not know. There is a difference between my dream of a job and reality of course. The problem is finding a happy medium and being successful in achieving such.
I had lunch today with one of my amazing friends, and we are in the same boat. We both feel the exact same about all of this. We are both almost 30 and have amazing personal lives, both happily married...great families, new houses, etc. Yet, we are both completely unsuccessful career-wise. I feel like I am way behind people that are even younger than me who manage lots of people, or have a successful track record in sales, or who are doctors or lawyers. I look at myself, and it is depressing. It would be different if I was a mom, who just had a job to have something to do and focuses more on my children. I am not at that point in my life yet, and don't know that I ever will be. I spend most of my life at my job, as anyone who works full time does. So how do you be successful?
If you are even still here and reading, bless you. I am not quite sure if any of this even made sense. It is just something that has been weighing heavy on my heart lately.
Let's look at the positive, tomorrow is Friday! Woohoo! I hope you all have a fabulous day!